5.d. The Smear Campaign: Narcissistic Mother's Lies and Gossip

The Smear Campaign: Narcissistic Mother's Lies, Slander and Gossip by Gail Meyers
The Smear Campaign: Narcissistic Mother's Lies and Gossip


This article is now located on Echo Scapegoat Recovery Tactics© on Blogger.



Comments

  1. Wow, this is exactly what happened to me. I had an abusive step father and a narcissistic mother. My mother would go always go to my grandmother and tell her how good my step father was to me and how much he love me, etc. In fact my step father hated me and was very physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. She did the whole concerned thing too, and made my grandmother believe that I was bipolar because she "claimed" my dad side of the family had mental issues. She even got me believing it myself. Once I finally confronted her about the abuse, she rendered a massive smear campaign against me, basically claiming I was the abuser of my step father - I couldn't believe it, she completely flip everything around. I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone. You just feel so discard and unloved. I have chosen to end contact with my mother which ostracize me from the rest of my family who decide to believe her gossip/ smear campaign. Some I believe don't care and are happy to have someone to blame for everything wrong with the family.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Excellent post. I have a similar background irt my mother. I've also found that trying to defend your innocence (to relatives/old friends/neighbors/anyone) is counterproductive. But the suffering/ostracization I've experienced has and continues to be profound. Would you recommend I explain/defend my innocence to anyone...either as individuals or publicly? If not do you have any tips on handling ongoing ostracization/apparent rumor-spreading? I keep fearing I will lose my business over this not to mention it is painful to have nearly everyone you know hating you and gossiping you. I have no idea what has been said.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that if the slander is affecting your business, you might consider taking legal action. These people who do things like this are truly evil. They feel entitled to abuse, and they're honestly entitled to nothing.

      Delete
  3. So helpful to know I am not alone, but still...what kind of mother spreads such evil lies about their child? Besides what I've done for her, I'm a really good person, good wife, good mother, good job, everything you'd think, and even more I realize how important this is to me, is because I grew up in that wicked home and still managed to get on my feet and recover. I want to confront, but I know it won't do any good. just amazes me though, how can she do that? how sick is that

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is such an excellent post. Thank you for writing this. I feel validated even though we do not know each other personally. I too have lost family members in the wake of my mother. I have not had any contact with her for about 3 years and my father has stopped contact and my sister and her family has stopped contact with me as well. I too do not know the lies that have been told and I only know a few. I don't know how to make her stop. I thought that not having contact with her would be the answer to me at least looking sane but it has just made it worse because I responded to her at every emotional turn making me look like I am crazy and I feel like such an idiot for not seeing it sooner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not an idiot. She's your mother and as children we look to our parents for love, validation, support. Our parents shape how we see ourselves and the world. They form out first trust bonds. How could you see what she was doing?

      Be kind to yourself.

      I have no contact with my mother or my 3 siblings. It has been freeing, but it takes getting used to. I'm ostracized by some extended family members (her brothers and their children) and that's actually a gift, too.

      We are conditioned to believe that blood is thicker than water, family the strongest bond. I've learned that family doesn't have to be a chain to my destruction and that, often, our carefully chosen, healthy friend relationships are more like true familial relationships than the ones into which we're born.

      I hope you find peace in the no contact and can build yourself up. It really doesn't matter what they say about you. You know the truth. Believe in yourself, your strength, and your worthiness. Build a relationship with yourself, build happiness within you, and love yourself. You deserve it.

      Delete
  5. So good to know we are not alone..

    ReplyDelete
  6. This was my life with my mother with whom I've had no contact since 1993. It has been, recently, my life with my stalker, a woman I've never met, but whose identity I discovered. You have described both women as if you've met them...and the information you've just given me has been immensely helpful and strengthening. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am in a mirrored situation to yours. I too became placed into a situation where my own Mother, went out of her way to spread nasty rumours about me and actively pursued my Sister and brother with gossip and lies in an attempt to ensure they severed ties with me. I never knew what was said, I only heard rumours from other members of the family. The best thing I ever did was stop all contact. The emotional rollercoaster of dealing with her all my life completely stopped. She could no longer hurt me. I had my own loving husband and family and that was enough for me.

    Her problem I think.... she reacted very badly with the fact that she no longer had any control over me. I had a stronger relationship with my Father whom she is divorced from, as a result. I found out how loving and decent my Father was after being told for so long from her that he wasn't.

    Confronting her was never an option as it only gave her more stories to spin to others. I accepted she wasn't going to stop and I let it all go - It took a very long time but I got there.

    I agree with Corinne - you know the truth and I hope you find peace too. I now have a happier life without her in it. Take care and much love.

    ReplyDelete
  8. So glad I am not alone. Just had another friend of my mothers berating me for falling out with my mother. I did not. A year ago I had a cancer scare and and was very Ill. My mother never phoned or visited to see if I was OK. I finally decided not to go running back to her years of abuse. At 54 I am now free but still get people saying your mums an getting old etc. She left when I was 11 and put another man before her 4 kids. She did not want custody but told everyone my Dad was the bad one etc. I really don't like her now and don't want her in my life.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

5.a. The Scapegoating Narcissistic Mother

5.e. Narcissistic Mother's Silent Treatment